I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
