Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
