I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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