its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
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