You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
