There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Randomize
