No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Randomize
