all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
I want to fling myself into the sun
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
Randomize
