So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
Girls should come with a carfax report
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
