She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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