Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
