I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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