we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I am naked and annoyed.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
