WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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