haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
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