putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
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