just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
