the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
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