They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Everyone says I win the strip club
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
