I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Randomize