I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
