is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
