He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
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