Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
