She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Randomize
