Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
