hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
