we're blogging at a bar
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Randomize
