I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
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