if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
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