apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Randomize
