well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
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