he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
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