If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
