the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Randomize
