Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Randomize
