I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
