Heybabeimwearingurpanties
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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