When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Edward fifth and chaser hands
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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