woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
