i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
You can't motorboat a personality
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Randomize
