I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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