when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
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