Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
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