So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
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