Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
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