Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
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