just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
