I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
The air was thick with penises
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
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