btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Randomize
