Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
