He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
