Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
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