look no pants
Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Randomize
