Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
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