u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
bring money and cleavage
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
