I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Randomize
