Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Randomize
