Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
Farmville is her only friend.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
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