At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
