can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Randomize
