Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
