I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Randomize
