I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
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