So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Randomize
