what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
