I wish I only lived at night.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
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