someone threw a dead crab at me
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
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