I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Randomize