my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
