Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
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