i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
