Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
