Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
