I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize