I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
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