i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Randomize